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Philadelphia Inquirer (May 4, 2005) - 5/9/05

I do NOT' Runaway brides know unceremoniously scrubbing a wedding can mean heavy financial and emotional fallout. There are even Web sites where they discuss it. By Dianna Marder Inquirer Staff Writer ...Cold feet happen - infrequently enough to be considered rare, but often enough to warrant several Web sites dedicated to the subject, including www.theregoesthebride.com. Created by Rachel Safier, the site is a place where "almost brides" can comfort one another anonymously.
Safier, who got cold feet herself four years ago, is also the author of a book by the same name, subtitled Making Up Your Mind, Calling It Off and Moving On.
Safier says prenuptial jitters are often caused by what she calls "weddingpalooza" - the manic state of being on the caboose of a runaway wedding.
"It gets to be like a circus pageant," Safier says.
Both brides and grooms (who, of course, get cold feet, too) vent on Safier's site - struggling sometimes to draw the line between jitters and jilting. (It's also a terrific place to shop for a nearly new bridal gown.)
Sometimes there are clear signals, "non-negotiables," Safier calls them, that the relationship should not go all the way to the altar. She cites emotional or physical violence, excessive drinking or gambling, and controlling behavior as obvious signs.
But more often, she says, the bride or groom just gets a gut feeling. That's what happened to Safier, now 32. She canceled her wedding two weeks before the ceremony and is single still.
Next time, she says, she will elope.
To gain clarity, it's best to sit still, away from the noise of the wedding plans, Safier says, "and think about what you need and what you are doing."
Inevitably, "the truth comes to you. And what you find is not that you don't know what you want, but that calling it off seems overwhelming."

Past press on 'There Goes the Bride' below.

Find it on Amazon.com



There Goes
The Bride

by Rachel Safier
with Wendy
Roberts, LCSW
(Jossey-Bass,
2003).
In bookstores
this April.

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