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Associated Press (May 3, 2005) - 5/8/05

What to Do When 'I Do' Becomes 'I Don't' Plan your next event with Caterer Search By ERRIN HAINES Associated Press Writer May 3, 2005, 5:10 AM EDT ATLANTA -- Rachel Safier recognized the desperation that put runaway bride Jennifer Wilbanks on a bus to Albuquerque last week, launching a nationwide search that ended in perhaps the most publicized case of cold feet. Four years ago, Safier -- then a 31-year-old bride-to-be -- was suffocating under the weight of her own wedding. "I couldn't put my finger on it. I had a great guy, but it just didn't feel right," said Safier, author of "There Goes the Bride." Planning something her heart was not completely into only added to the stress -- something Safier said the 32-year-old Duluth runaway bride could probably relate to as she disappeared four days before her scheduled, lavish wedding, which had 14 bridesmaids, 14 groomsmen and 600 invited guests. "I'm sure she felt lost in this whole planning process and started thinking, 'This is about hors d'oeuvres and swatches and not about me,'" she said. Two weeks before the big day, Safier's fiance called off the wedding -- effectively letting her off the hook, but leaving her with the new stress of what to do about her broken engagement. Whether Wilbanks and her fiance, John Mason, will eventually take their vows remains to be seen, but even postponing a wedding -- especially at the last minute -- can be challenging, said Rosanna McCollough, editor-in-chief of WeddingChannel.com. "Unplanning a wedding is definitely painful. I don't think there's any way around it," McCollough said. "The public acknowledgement that this much-anticipated event is no longer going to be happening can be physically and emotionally exhausting, draining and embarrassing. And yet it is appropriate for it to be handled with the sensitivity it requires and with as much graciousness as possible," she said. Canceling vendors, alerting guests, returning gifts and what to do about the dress or the ring ("You gotta give it back," Safier sighed,) are just some of the line items on the long to-do checklist when canceling a wedding. Safier suggests recruiting the same friends and family who helped put the wedding together. "You have an army of willing volunteers who were there for you. If you do speak up, people are very, very supportive. Everybody I told just clamored to help," she said. After consulting with the intended and family members, the next call should be to wedding vendors, McCollough said, since last-minute cancellations likely mean lost deposits and additional expenses. If invitations have been mailed and the wedding is being canceled or postponed more than two months, any wedding gifts must be returned to the gift sender with a note. If the new wedding date is within two months, keeping the gift is appropriate, McCollough said. And crossing off the date and penciling in a new one is OK if invitations have been printed but not mailed. McCollough added that among the most important details is how to communicate the decision to cancel or put off the wedding to friends who may have bought expensive plane tickets, booked hotel rooms, or bought new dresses or tuxedos. "There's no deposit that goes into a friendship," she said. And when in doubt, Safier said, at least leave a note. "If you still need time away, you need to leave a letter," she said. "Otherwise, there's going to be a massive manhunt for you." * __ On the Net: The Wedding Channel: http://www.weddingchannel.com The Almost Bride: http://www.theregoesthebride.com

Past press on 'There Goes the Bride' below.

Find it on Amazon.com



There Goes
The Bride

by Rachel Safier
with Wendy
Roberts, LCSW
(Jossey-Bass,
2003).
In bookstores
this April.

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